Love is a choice. Or, is it?

A facebook comment exchange made me think. The exchange started with a status claiming that love is a choice and not a feeling.

What does it mean to "choose" to love?

There was a time that I believed (or tried to believe) that was true. I'd preach it. I'd say it. But, in all honesty I could never truly live it.

So, what does it mean to choose to love?

I guess it means to DO something. Yeah, it must be it, because the other overused statement is: love is an action.

So, if you do something "right" for someone it means you love them. Granted, if you do that, you most certainly do not hate them, but does that really qualify as love? Can you do something "loving" without really loving them?

Let me copy a section of those comments I mentioned above:

I am not even remotely attracted to the homeless stinking guy with no teeth, but I know God loves him and so do I. It's my choice! I don't always "feel love" toward my dogs/kids/husband/family members/neighbors/friends/and so on, but I choose to LOVE them anyway. If it was a feeling I would have walked out some relationships long time ago. I commit myself to love them all everyday. People attach the word love to what they see on TV, romance novels, and country songs. :) The feeling that makes me "feel in love" is not love. But love is a verb that require action, it's hard work, and should not be held back. Peace out.

I think I actually started loving more when I started not looking at love as a choice. It has freed me to love. Bottom line is I don't think I choose to love. I choose not to judge. I started (still imperfectly) loving when I stopped religiously judging everybody. I can love the homeless stinky and toothless guy because I don't see his "stinkiness" and toothlessness anymore. I see him as a person, with just as much value as me. That I do choose. And that frees me to love. And even feeling it!

If I still feel a repulsion and just suck it up, helping him is still a good thing - absolutely - but is it really love? Personally, if I know people do things for me out of duty (because in the end, that's what it is), because they had to suck it up, or because it was their religious act.. well, I'd rather not be "loved".

So, again.. Is it really a sign of love for you to white knuckle it and do what's "right" even though nothing in you wants to? Which in the end is something relatively easy to do when we're talking about the homeless person with whom you have no relationship whatsoever. But when you are in a deeper relationship with someone, to be on the receiving end of "duty" is not even remotely comparable to truly know that someone "feels love" about/for you.

Obviously I don't have all the answers and these are very random thoughts.. but to stay true to my intention to blog more, I decided to write them down anyway..

Peace.