Against my initial intention, I'll go random. Again.

I thought my new approach to this particular blog would be chronological, relating the journey I've been on for the last few years in regards especially to matters of faith. Instead, I find myself wanting to post random things, thoughts, issues, making this more a "situational" blogging. So be it, I guess.

One situation I want to blog about is something that's been happening to a friend of mine in the last few weeks. My friend, I'll call him A, and his family, used to go to the same church I used to go to, which is also the same place where we met friend B and his family. We all lived in the same town up until recently. In the past year or so, A moved to another city here in the US and B moved abroad, quite far. In the last few years A has become an atheist (hence the move away from the Bible belt) and B has become a missionary (hence the move abroad)
Previous to their move and even when attending the same church, the friendship between A and B was not particularly deep. Acquaintances would describe their relationship better, and they didn't have any contact in the last few years they lived in the same town.
Let's get to these last weeks. B's wife has started messaging A through her husband's facebook account (A has B among his fb friends, but not B's wife) A doesn't recall ever having a conversation with B's wife (I'll call her BW from now on, if need be) in real life, but she started messaging him practically on a daily basis, and telling him that God loves him, that he shouldn't harden his heart to God and stuff like that. Constantly messaging him about such stuff. A has told her his position, he's even been willing to have a conversation, but BW is not into conversation as much as into repeating over and over how much God loves him and so forth, which drove A to say more than once, "Stop messaging me". Her response? "I can't. God told me to reach out to you and put on my heart to pray for you and your family". First, I'd like to say I'm very thankful that God decided to put him on her heart and not me.. But on a more serious note, I find all this quite disturbing, besides rude and disrespectful. It just blows my mind to think that she really believes this could have a positive effect on him. Doesn't she realize how counterproductive it is to be so insistent?
I mentioned this situation to someone, saying, "Does this seem normal to you?" "No, it's not normal. She feels led by God". That stumped me. I had the clear impression his response implied she had some kind of justification.
Seriously??
Let's talk about it.
First of all, I previously said BW was insistent. That's an understatement. It'd be more correct to define it stalking. If her messages had any other content it would be considered stalking. But since it's religious, and more particularly christian, it's considered, what? a divine calling, therefore ok? I have the feeling that if it was a Muslim bombarding a Christian with messages about Allah, the approach would have been quite different, and it most certainly would have not been justified, quite the contrary; it probably would have been used to demonstrate how Muslims are out to destabilize America or something to that effect, by trying to convert everybody to Islam.
Then, let's analyze a bit this "feeling led by God/God told me" issue. This particular thing makes me think of a couple of things. One is, how do we distinguish between God speaking to someone and just plain hearing voices. We do have professionals who medicate or institutionalize people because they are delusional and hear voices. So, why and how do we make a distinction between those and those who claim God spoke to them. The other thing is the content of God's speaking. You presume that if God spoke to you you should just obey and do it. So, since God (by christian definition) is sovereign and his ways are not ours, he could ask you anything. I have to wonder, therefore, if God asked BW to come back to the States and kill A, would she do it? Or if God asked her to kill her children, would she do it?
It's scary to think that there are people who would actually do it, or at the very least consider it (I know for a fact that some people say they *would*) But there are some people who say they wouldn't because they say God would never ask such thing. Yeah, that same God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever who ordered the killing of practically everything under the sun at some point or another, and for whatever reason (including a guy who happened to touch the ark of the covenant to prevent it from tipping over) For some people is unthinkable that God would ask to go kill someone and they'll jump hoops to justify when the Bible explicitly says of God actually doing such things. Why? why do they dismiss those things they'd consider facts recorded in the Bible? Because their own moral compass prevents them from doing such immoral things.

I'll close with something that I've seen in my life. One of the reasons I believed in God was that I had this idea of a benevolent God that was present and cared about us. That was one of the reasons that drew me close to him. The funny thing is that it's also one of the reasons that made me walk away from him. I realized that when I was thinking of god as a benevolent being, I was actually applying my ideas of what is good to him. I picked and chose what I wanted to believe about him, justifying, rationalizing, and doing a lot of mental gymnastics to dismiss all those Bible verses that were pretty obviously going against what I thought god and good should be. When I realized that, I realized that I basically was using my already in place morals to define and choose what is good and what not. God was just falling into place according to my beliefs. In essence my morals superseded god's. And I also realized that I was not the only one doing that. It seems to me that there are as many flavors of god and Christianity as there are heads in this world. Consider, for example, the over 40,000 christian denominations.
For a religion that claims to have an absolute truth, there sure are a ton of differing truths in it!

This little blog of mine.

I see many blogs that have a lot of success because they are focused on basically very practical things that ultimately we all are either using or doing. I think most of them are awesome and informative. Some are written by friends of mine and share lots of fun ideas that go from recipes to gardening, to art, and so forth.
I wish I were that creative. I feel I'd have a positive impact on people and would share something of some usefulness and value. But I'm not that person. I'm not hands-on, I'm not creative, I am not a great cook, and I don't have brilliant, innovative ideas on how to raise kids.
What I like and I end up writing about is usually "head" stuff. My head stuff. Mind over matter, if you will. I write about how I live my daily experiences, what I think about stuff, and how I process things.

So, I see this particular blog going in the direction of delving into the slow and fundamental changes I've been through in the last 5-8 years. It's gonna be a way to explore once again my beliefs (or lack thereof), what has changed and why, expose this new me like I haven't done before (a sort of coming out, if you will), and put into words what has been so far mostly a formless conglomerate of thoughts and emotions.

Welcome to my new, but just as crazy as before, world. Maybe?

My peeps.

I am fascinated by people, all sorts of people.
I have friends who are passionate about nature, food, art, gardening, knitting, sewing..
Me? I am fascinated by people.

When I was a young teenager I was quite reserved. I was not necessarily shy, but I was not outgoing, and would feel quite uncomfortable and embarrassed approaching strangers, for any reason. One day, when I was fourteen or fifteen, a young lady we didn't know approached my mom in a public place, only to tell her how much she liked her haircut. It's not like that was a big deal, I know that, but at the time it was a big deal to me. I realized I wanted to be that girl. I realized it was beautiful to just connect to another human being in a positive way, even if it was only for a compliment. What happened next, in the subsequent 3-4 years, sealed the deal for me. My mom got sick, and eventually died. And that changed everything for me.
My priorities changed and what was important up until then moved to the back burner. Good results in school didn't appeal to me anymore. What was unquestionably important was connecting with people. And what was only a desire a few years before, became my new me. I became that girl that is not embarrassed to approach someone on the street and tell them I like their hair.
Not being afraid of connecting with people has rewarded me with irreplaceable friends. Friends, and several of them, who have been by my side, through my pretty and through my ugly, for decades.
Not all connections have been that good, some have been weird, and some have been short lived, but they all have contributed to my current me. They created me. And keep on creating me.

Social media (facebook in particular) has increased my fascination with people.. and it has also made me realize that there are a ton of weirdos out there. At the same time, I have been enriched by the interaction with most, if not all, my facebook friends, of which some are in-real-life friends, some are just virtual friends, and some were virtual friends who turned into in-real-life friends. And that interaction is continually evolving, with people always coming into my life. Just yesterday I had a very nice conversation with a lady I have met (although not in person) through my facebook contacts. It was very interesting talking to her and finding some significant common ground. Our background, culture, experiences, life altogether have been immensely different, and - still - our lives touched at a time when we were able to connect and understand something very primal of each other. Maybe it's just a generational or a gender related thing, because I've noticed this happening more than I would have expected around me, and that would be worth a whole post of its own. Either way, every time I do connect with someone it amazes me, and I find it absolutely beautiful.
Yesterday's conversation kept popping into my head at different times during the day, so much so that it made me want to write about virtual and non-virtual friends on my blog.

So, here I am.

I don't look for lessons in every single aspect of my life, I just try to live it to the best of my ability. But if I could pass on a bit of, let's say, wisdom, it would be,

Keep an eye, an ear, and a heart open to people who cross your path, you won't regret it, even if they end up having a negative impact in your life. Even then, you can learn something about you, what you want and don't want, and who You ultimately want to be.

Yes, I firmly believe that others make you who you are.

Quote.

‎"A great number of people live quite easily without a coherent rational philosophy of life at all. They prefer to accept a great deal of mystery and even absurdity. Yet people have values and frequently choose to treat each other with more respect than the religious zealots."

~ Marlene Winell

Tell me the truth, what do you think about this?

The other day...
(side note: for a mom "The other day" can mean anywhere from two days ago to two years ago..)

I was saying.. the other day I was talking with my friend C. and somehow we got to a point in the conversation in which we were talking about religion (go figure!) She said something to the effect of, "I guess in a way I am still religious. I still want what religion is looking for: peace, love, acceptance, unity"
To that, my immediate thought and answer was, "Isn't it interesting how the very things that religion seeks become unattainable inside of it?"

Let me expand just a bit.

Like I've said before here, I've shed many things from my "previous life", and I've found a peace I didn't have then.
Peace and religion have become and are mutually exclusive.
The search for Truth and the experiencing of Peace cannot coexist.
Actually it's not the search for Truth as much as the perceived notion to have found it.
At least in christian circles, having found (absolute) Truth, means having found what God wants, what pleases him. Therefore anything outside of that is automatically "wrong", and you either correct wrong or you avoid it.
Division ensues.
We see it all the time.
In the christian Macroworld we see it in all the various denominations that exist. Or in church splits inside a denomination/congregation. All because someone thinks they have a better truth.
In its Microworld, we see it in how people treat each other (I bet you all had some example of this  pop into your mind as soon as I wrote this) and we see it in all the guilt that constantly accompanies most Christians, some more evident than others (think of all those who re-commit their lives to Christ, over and over and over again)
And Truth, instead of setting people free, imprisons. And where there is a prison, there is a wall separating.

Truth in this case tramples Love.


Even telling truth often in Christianity is thought of as more important than Love, in every case.
You don't think so?
Let's use an example. Hypothetical, but not so much.
Years ago I was attending a conference and the topic did revolve around the topic of lying as being a sin. Always.
Someone asked a hypothetical question that sounded something like this:
"World War II, you're hiding some Jews in your basement. Nazis knock on your door and ask you if there are any Jews in your home. What do you do? do you tell the truth?"
The speaker's answer (a prominent Christian in our community),
"God will not put me in that situation".
Seriously?
There hasn't been such a situation ever? Or is that a situation reserved for non-believers? Otherwise a Christian would have to tell the truth, right..?
And again, truth tramples love and respect for life. Whether it's big T truth or small t truth, it doesn't really matter, in the end.
(I hate to admit that at the time I believed that answer)

Well, maybe this truth thing, as important as it may be, is overrated.

I'm starting to believe that *my* truth is love.
And I'm ok if you disagree. I can live with that.

Can you?

The usual ramblings.

As I've said before, my beliefs have dramatically changed in the last few years. Sometimes it's easier to define what I don't believe (anymore) than what I do believe.

Warning: Opening a Can of Worms.

I don't believe anymore that the Bible is "inspired" (in the sense of divinely "dictated") nor infallible. Fallible people chose the books that were supposed to be part of the Bible (with some disagreement there, too, among different denominations!) and the fallible defined them as infallible and inspired. How does that work?

The next point would be, do I however still consider it a good book?

Define "good". Some parts to me, are beyond boring and utterly useless. A waste of time. They have no impact whatsoever on my life. They are n/a (non-applicable). Some other parts are absolutely beautiful and even helpful. So (as I said in my previous post) I pick and choose what can touch me in some way. I think that's true with many other books too, though.

Everybody picks and chooses. And most of the time a double standard is applied. For example those "christians" who strongly oppose Islam on the basis that the Koran is a violent book (therefore the religion is violent) ignore, or rationalize, the extreme violence found in the Bible. "But, we don't follow those teachings anymore!" Good for you. But, why don't you allow the muslims to say the same when they say they are peaceful? And please don't bring up terrorism and such, because christians have had their fair share of that! (although, I would agree that the islamic extremism is still more widespread that the christian extremism, but that's not the point here)

Or what about homosexuality? The Bible defines it as an "abomination", which is really what most anti-gay christians hang on to. The Bible also says that eating shrimp is an "abomination".. but I don't see groups of christians doing sit-ins in front of seafood restaurants.

Should we jump to the New Testament? How about 1 Corinthians? Women should not cut their hair. That's a cultural thing of their time. Women should be silent in church. That's across the board applicable to all time. ...Seriously??

I used to be able to do some pretty awesome mental gymnastics to justify, explain away, believe some of this stuff and now I'm just.. How in the world did I do that??????

As Walt Whitman said:

Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.

Q: Do you place your soul above everything else (=God)?

A: Don't you?

Here's another good one: I don't believe in hell. Definitely not in an eternal hell as punishment for what we've done in this world. If there is a God and if he is just like christians claim him to be, how can ETERNAL be a fair and just punishment for VERY SHORT LIFE in view of eternity? We have no chance. I'm not gonna get deep into this. I understand a very good book that explains all this is Hope Beyond Hell. There is also an online free version if you're inclined to read it, but you don't want to buy it.

Another - to me - mental exercise has been about Free Will. Everybody says that it was the love of God that gave us free will, because he didn't want robots. And we don't want to be robots, right? Well.. first of all, we would have never known. So that last question is just not applicable. But, let's say he wanted to show his love by giving us free will. How is it though, that he punishes for exercising it? (and the punishment, see previous point, is eternal) How is that better or more loving than creating robots? And, really, do some people have a choice? If I were born in a communist dictatorship or in an islamic country there is a good chance I wouldn't even have the option of exercising my free will to "accept Christ" because indoctrinated into another belief. That's fair?

All this said, I can't shake the fact that in the end I believe there is something/someone bigger than us. I can't explain otherwise why we are capable of thinking beyond us. I can't explain why we would even consider a God. It seems to me that would go against evolution. From an evolutionary standpoint, it doesn't make sense that we'd delve into matters that ultimately don't contribute to the survival. We could be animals and not being aware of any of this, trying to just survive and help the species survive (our offspring) and our life would be much easier and smoother.

However, this "God" (not even sure how to define it, for fear of having some labels that don't belong to me anymore applied to my thought) I just don't think resembles the God I've been spoon fed and I've self-brainwashed myself into believing all these years.

I think God is "hidden" in life and love, at every level, more than we ever realized.

Life is my religion. :)

Created or creator?

I used to say that "they" (which basically meant anybody who didn't have the same idea of God as me) created God in their own image.

Now, I do not understand that statement anymore.

I mean, we all create God in our own image. Every time someone uses a Scripture to describe God, he creates God in his own image. And that is because he uses his own MIND, INTERPRETATION, CULTURAL BACKGROUND, EDUCATION, EXPOSURE TO EXTERNAL INFLUENCE, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND HISTORY, UPBRINGING to create in his head an idea of who or what God is, was, and wants. Often discarding other passages that might contradict such idea (christians are really good at mental gymnastics and/or picking and choosing)

Yes. I do create God in my own image. And so do you. I have no problem with that anymore.
And if He's God, He'll understand and tolerate.
Even love, maybe. :)


(because if I'm destined to pick and choose, I'll choose a God who loves, over anything else, every time)

In essence.

The essence of religion, as is of business, is relating to others as long as they buy your product and it's based on the arrogant assumption that you know what will help them, or what they need.

The essence of life is a broader sense of relationship, that includes the good, the bad, the ugly and the different.

Life.. is my religion.

Tired?

Do you ever get tired of trying to figure out who God is? What He means by what He reveals in the Bible? If He's an inclusivist or an exclusivist (a hot topic currently)? What He wants from you? What does "God" really mean?

I have moments in which I get so tired. Mentally.
I go in circles. Back and forth, yes and no, whys and why-nots, punishment and forgiveness.. and the list could go on and on. It gets tiring and old.

I can hardly figure out myself, with whom I've spent over forty years, 24/7, much less God, with my limited understanding. I can't even know why I feel or not feel certain things, and I have the.. audacity? arrogance? illusion? ..to try and figure out God?

Sometimes I just want to live.

Extreme thinking and a certain type of language...

As I have said before here, I've changed a lot lately. I've distanced myself from a lot of stuff, stemming mainly from me distancing myself from a certain type of christianity and, even more so, from a certain idea of "church".

Part of that distancing resulted in me not quite understanding anymore a certain "christian" lingo, which now, at the very least, doesn't make sense to me, often just bounces off me, and occasionally even irritates me.

One such often used expression is "Lord of my/your life".

What exactly does that mean?

I've been asked recently, "Is He lord of your life?" referring to Jesus/God, of course.

First of all, is that even "biblical" language? I'm having a hard time finding that Jesus ever said "I am/will be lord of your life". Please correct me, if there is such Bible verse.

But, again, what does it mean?

There is another concept that somehow seems to be clashing with this one. Another one of those non-biblical terms that is used a lot, though. And it's the concept of "Free Will".

If I have Free Will, wouldn't that imply that whatever decision I make I am ultimately the lord of my life?

Even when I decide to submit to a "Lord", it is still my ultimate decision, and I submit to my understanding of what that Lord requires from me (so, is my mind my lord?) Or - even - I may submit to someone else's idea/explanation of what Lord requires, which, again, makes them somehow my lord, doesn't it?

From what I understand Lord and Master are used interchangeably, and that would mean that if there is a lord there is also a slave or a servant. And now that concept clashes with Free Will, again. A servant or a slave cannot have Free Will. Someone may say that when you submit to Lord you do renounce to your Free Will, and follow His Will. But that's not true. Because we keep doing over and over again our own Will, by sinning, by interpreting Lord's will, by making decisions, de facto overriding constantly our "willingness" to let him be Lord.

As I said.. it doesn't make sense to me, anymore.

But what does make sense (in light of my previous somewhat convoluted reasoning) is what Jesus says in John 15:15

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Now, I can live with a Lord who is not a Master, but a friend.
:)

What are you afraid of?

Besides the obvious physical instances, is fear ever a good motivator?

What would justify and make succumbing to fear right?

What about love? "There is no fear in love"

Can it really be?? How?

Practically speaking what does it mean?

Never mind.

Please, do understand...

Is it more important to be known or to be understood?

Is there a difference?

According to my friend Ray the number one need for a thinker is to be understood.

I'm a thinker. My number one need is.. to be understood.

Now, define "understood".

What does it mean for me?

Can you be understood without being known?

Lots of people know some stuff about me.

Some people know lots of stuff about me. They know "facts". They know the things I'm going through. And sometimes they understand some of what I'm going through. I'm thankful for that.

And still, there is a deeper understanding that I so rarely experience. It's something that goes so down deep that it's even hard to explain. It is an understanding that goes beyond knowledge of facts. Some understand me so deeply without even knowing stuff about me. It's like they are already a part of me, and I'm a part of them. Like we are made of the same dough. And nothing, not circumstances, not distance, not different life choices, nothing - can ever change that.

I said I rarely experience it, but I do experience it. I have those kinds of connections in my life. It's a blessing. Sometimes also a little bit of a curse, because everything else pales in comparison.

Mostly a blessing, though.

I can be understood without being known.

Knowledge is just gravy in those cases.

:)

Lots of.. nothing, really.

I am a thinker. No doubt about that.

I over analyze stuff all the time. My mind is always chewing, swallowing, and digesting something.

It's not always pretty.

However.. lately I have been struggling more with my feelings than anything else. I don't even know if "struggling" is the right word, here.

I have become more aware of my feelings, I guess.

In the last decade or so, I have been brainwashed into thinking that feelings are not to be trusted. The heart is deceitful. Always. I had made that my mantra. And I guess that, for a thinker like me, it wasn't too difficult to go that direction. I could always reduce everything to a mental exercise.

And still, there came a point in which I had to come to terms with the fact that you can't live without feelings. They are ever present, and they do direct your life.

And sometimes those feelings go against all you believe or thought you believed.

So, what do you do?

I don't know yet. I've tried the "do the right thing", and it doesn't always work. You may externally look fine, but inside you're pretty much dying. Everybody will see someone you're not. Then one day the true you, the one with the feelings, comes out and it's a shock. It's a big surprise. They think you went nuts. That you've lost your way. While in reality you were on your own way all along, but nobody could (or sometimes would) see it.

You just can't deny feelings, as much as you try. Even those who say they don't trust feelings base their lives on them, one way or the other.

Granted, sometimes feelings are just momentary emotions. And those may not lead you to the true you. But sometimes (dare I say, more often than not?) they are deeply embedded in you. They are the true you.

And if they don't align with what you thought they should have been, or with other people's expectations, what do you do with them?

Can I change how I feel about something? Some people can. I can't. I cannot fake it till I make it. "Fake it till I make it" to me always translates into "fake it till I can't fake it anymore".

Bottom line is, I cannot turn on and off feelings like they were a faucet.

So, what now?

Love is a choice. Or, is it?

A facebook comment exchange made me think. The exchange started with a status claiming that love is a choice and not a feeling.

What does it mean to "choose" to love?

There was a time that I believed (or tried to believe) that was true. I'd preach it. I'd say it. But, in all honesty I could never truly live it.

So, what does it mean to choose to love?

I guess it means to DO something. Yeah, it must be it, because the other overused statement is: love is an action.

So, if you do something "right" for someone it means you love them. Granted, if you do that, you most certainly do not hate them, but does that really qualify as love? Can you do something "loving" without really loving them?

Let me copy a section of those comments I mentioned above:

I am not even remotely attracted to the homeless stinking guy with no teeth, but I know God loves him and so do I. It's my choice! I don't always "feel love" toward my dogs/kids/husband/family members/neighbors/friends/and so on, but I choose to LOVE them anyway. If it was a feeling I would have walked out some relationships long time ago. I commit myself to love them all everyday. People attach the word love to what they see on TV, romance novels, and country songs. :) The feeling that makes me "feel in love" is not love. But love is a verb that require action, it's hard work, and should not be held back. Peace out.

I think I actually started loving more when I started not looking at love as a choice. It has freed me to love. Bottom line is I don't think I choose to love. I choose not to judge. I started (still imperfectly) loving when I stopped religiously judging everybody. I can love the homeless stinky and toothless guy because I don't see his "stinkiness" and toothlessness anymore. I see him as a person, with just as much value as me. That I do choose. And that frees me to love. And even feeling it!

If I still feel a repulsion and just suck it up, helping him is still a good thing - absolutely - but is it really love? Personally, if I know people do things for me out of duty (because in the end, that's what it is), because they had to suck it up, or because it was their religious act.. well, I'd rather not be "loved".

So, again.. Is it really a sign of love for you to white knuckle it and do what's "right" even though nothing in you wants to? Which in the end is something relatively easy to do when we're talking about the homeless person with whom you have no relationship whatsoever. But when you are in a deeper relationship with someone, to be on the receiving end of "duty" is not even remotely comparable to truly know that someone "feels love" about/for you.

Obviously I don't have all the answers and these are very random thoughts.. but to stay true to my intention to blog more, I decided to write them down anyway..

Peace.

Back. Hopefully for some time.

So many things have changed in the last few years. In the last year, even.

But, how to put in writing something that takes shape inside of you, that emerges from, and forms out of a series of emotions and experiences on which you cannot put your finger, really.

I am most definitely not where I thought I'd be by now. I imagined my life different. Or maybe not. I imagined it like this but I thought I'd like it, and I found out I really don't.

So many things I've shed, because of that. Things that I had piled up on me so much that I had forgotten that down deep under those things there was a person. I think that person is still alive. Maybe not quite kicking, but it will get there, sooner or later.

In the meantime I've found that I like this new old me. That I couldn't care less what other people think of me and of how I should be. That I have a peace I didn't have when I was doing the right and expected things. That I love my kids more. That I am free of impositions.

I also found others walking down the same street with me.

Some have been long time companions, some are surprising recent encounters. And still it feels like they were always walking by me. Love it!

Well, I'd better stop rambling...

I had been thinking about resuming blogging and just didn't want to postpone one more time. That is why I just posted an old draft (inspired by what, I don't know) and decided to write a couple of non-sensical lines just because.

nat

(I think it's also because my surprising recent encounter asked me today what I like to do.. I had to think about it.. and I remembered I do like to write, and to write on my blog.. so, there you go)

Draft

My feet are on solid ground but there is sometimes darkness all around me. The darkness grows, it constricts, it restricts and I can't move or remove myself from the darkness. Suddenly a slice of light cuts through and I am able to move but then the light is gone. My feet, however, remain on solid ground and I wait. Other lights come and call to me. Some of them are bad. Some of them are good, but I cannot follow them because I know they would lead me down a path that isn't for me. It isn't me.

I don't know how I know this but I do so I stay on the solid ground in the darkness waiting for the light of me to come and call me out.

My boy.

I look at my disobedient child's relationship with me and I think I understand a little bit how God looks at us.

My little 5 year old boy has made an art out of disobedience. He needs to be "reminded" over and over and over again not to do certain things and he keeps doing them. I got so aggravated at him today that I yelled at him telling him how unlikable he gets when he behaves like he does.

And he does! Man, he can so get on my nerves, and his sister's, too!

And still. I LOVE him. I love him so very much. I look at him and I just love him.

I hear that love is an action, and I'm sure that it is a lot of times. I hear that it is something you have to "work" on, and "they" are probably right.

BUT.

But, I don't need to work on my love for my children. It's there. It never goes away. It's an ever present.. feeling. Yep, a feeling. I didn't need to get to know them to love them, to feel love towards them. I didn't need to get into self-help christian (or non christian) books, to know how to love them. I just do.

And I am reminded of that verse where Jesus talks about parents and children...

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

(Matthew 7:11, NIV)

God, I guess, loves me just like I love my kids (and more!)

Even when I disobey him over and over and over again.

It sure is a comforting thought. For me, at least.

Be blessed.

The tree.

How good is good if God never intended for us to know it?

If God was chocolate

If God was chocolate

(Inspired by - "A JOKE A FRIEND TOLD."

Scriptural References: (Romans 8:31, Is. 55:8, Matt. 6:25-34))

Lyrics:

I can feel Your presence in the summer breeze / I can see the distance between You and me / I can catch your fragrance from an April rose / Sure can hear your rhythms when the thunder rolls / But I can’t taste You; don’t think I’m s’posed to / But what would people do / /

Chorus: If God was chocolate; everyone loves chocolate / Everyone would want Him, want Him all the time / You can almost taste it; every godly visit, a party for the spirit, body, soul and mind / If God was chocolate – chocolate - chocolate / Mm-mm – chocolate – chocolate - chocolate //

Pray for an end to anger, you get a Hershey’s kiss / For each good deed a Snickers, I could get used to this / Pray they stop the fighting in the Middle East / and the battleground starts changing / to a chocolate fondue feast / The whole world over we’d discover a whole new hunger //

Chocolate - chocolate Chocolate - chocolate / Can almost taste You / but I think it all through / and I think it’s also true that God is broccoli, asparagus and herb tea / all that stuff that’s good for me that may not taste divine / But it makes a good start at building me a strong heart. So if you eat your broccoli / and you drink your herbal tea, finish your supper and you will see. You will see how it can be that // Chorus

God the revealer

All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Philippians 3:15